This has been a long time coming. You see, I thought I knew what burnout was. I thought those days where I just didn’t want to touch another thing that had to do with my writing (because work, because tired, because soooo-many-edits) was it.

Hahahahahaha

Turns out, for me at least, burnout is still having all the ideas, still wanting to write all the books, but sitting down in front of the computer and…nothing. It isn’t writers block, it’s actually a lot closer to how depression makes me feel, but it’s not depression either. (Though, I will admit, I’m glad I thought it was at first because I’d been slacking on my keep-depression-at-bay regimen.) Basically, what I felt like when the time would come to sit down and write…was numb. The well was empty.

So, after reading this amazing post by Jaye Wells and this equally great post by Chuck Wendig, I took a step back and started examining where things had gone so very wrong.

Turns out that in the aftermath of my divorce and trying desperately to put life in order, I…gave up all my hobbies. Writing, which had started as a hobby, had become a job–one that I now HAD to start making pay some bills. But without other things, the “enjoyment well” ran dry. So, yeah, I’ll be doing some hard-core clean-up on aisle seven over that mess.

But right around the same time I made that realization, I decided to meet up with a girlfriend to “bar-con” at a local SFF convention. We didn’t talk much about writing. In fact, the longest bit of that convo had to do with a review that had me second-guessing my life choices (not writing, but other stuff–it’s a little complicated). My friend arched a brow at me and pointed out the fact that we are the kind of people who own our quirks and foibles. We don’t pretend to be perfect…and that makes some people uncomfortable.

And that was another piece of my life and “enjoyment well” puzzle. I like people who are perfectly imperfect. I like characters who are perfectly imperfect. Writing good girls who fall into tough situations is fine, but I would much rather write (and read) about smart women who become really stupid around a certain guy (and let him walk all over her in the process). I’d rather write (and read) about the girl so desperate for connection and adventure that she puts herself in harm’s way–just because she can. I’d rather write (and read) about adult women who make the choice not to “grow up” and adult the way society expects. I’d rather write (and read) about someone whose life falls apart and she says “fuck it, let’s be bad guys.”

I want the stupid, the selfish, the childish, the bitchy. And I’ve finally decided that I’m okay if that makes some people uncomfortable, because my friend reminded me last night, that I’m not the only one who prefers those characters. Bitches get shit done–and they also make awesome friends.

TL;DR–Keep your “fun time” actually fun and not book-related to prevent burnout and also embrace the kind of characters you love to read and write. Writing for the “market” is like taking a short-cut on the road to burnout.